Snow white, the true story

I am here to shed light on one of your « fairy tales », to set the record straight. Who am I ? You will understand quickly.
So, « once upon a time » - because all your stories begin like this – there was a queen whose daughter had skin as white as snow and hair as black as ebony. And guess what the princess’s name was ? Snow White ! Original for someone who had skin like snow ! The king, the queen and their daughter lived happily until the queen died. The king decided to marry again and chose a beautiful, intelligent and kind woman, but Snow White hated her poor stepmother who tried sadly to be nice with her.
One day, the princess didn’t come to eat with her father and me, so I decided to bring her some apples.
« Snow White ! I brought you some apples, » I said nicely.
But I had forgotten she was allergic to apples ! What a weird allergy, seriously.
« Help ! » Snow-White cried, « She is trying to poison me ! »
And she pretended to faint. When the king came into the princess’s bedroom and saw her on the floor, he put her on her bed and ordered to call the fairy godmother.
What ? You say there is no fairy godmother in Snow White ? I was there ! I know the story much better than you ! So, I was saying that the king ordered to call the fairy godmother. When she arrived, she looked at Snow White while the maids were crying. No, it was not seven dwarves ! It was maids !
« A Prince Charming has to kiss her and she will be saved, » said the so-called « fairy ».
« Find a prince ! » screamed the king. « Quickly ! And if he can wake the princess, they will marry ! »
The menservants found a Prince not so…Charming.
He kissed Snow White, she woke up and they married. I don’t think they lived happily ever after because Snow White looked very disappointed when she first saw the prince…

[/Gabrielle Cézette/]

Hansel and Gretel or the two cute little liars

Hi. I am the witch of Hansel and Gretel. In fact, I am not a witch. I haven’t any powers. I can’t cast a magic spell or create a forest in the middle of nowhere or kill two little children… Hansel and Gretel made up all the story. So I will tell you the true story of Hansel and Gretel.
One day, while I was reading Jane Eyre… Yes, I’m an evil person and I read books. You find this odd ? Whatever… So I was reading my favourite book when I heard some noises outside. I didn’t know what it was so I got out and found two cute little children who were eating something. I asked them :
« What are you eating ? »
« We are eating the doorbell, » they answered.
Can you believe it ? They were eating my house ! How rude ! They had already eaten the letterbox ! Why were they eating my house ? Perhaps because I have a house made of gingerbread. You find this odd too ? You’re really a strange person. I love gingerbread. Why not build a house with gingerbread ? A little pig built his house with straw !
Then I invited them to spend some time in my gingerbread house. It was very kind of me, don’t you think ? During the tea, the little boy, maybe Gretel, I don’t know who is who, fell into my bird cage. I think he was looking for gingerbread. And, yes, I have a very big birdcage. Don’t interrupt me ! So he fell into the cage. It is not my fault he doesn’t know how to walk ! Then, many accidents happened until I decided to check my oven for the dinner. As soon as I opened the oven, the little girl – she’s so cute - tried to push me in ! They are so discourteous !
« What are you doing ? Are you crazy ? » I shouted.
After I had shut the oven (for more safety), the little girl ran away with her brother and, of course, a piece of gingerbread.
She thought that she could kill me like her friend did to mine ? The Big Bad Wolf in the Little Red Riding Hood ? Dead. His brother in The Three Little Pigs ? Dead. Cinderella’s stepmother ? Dead. I miss her. But one day, I will take my revenge, and I will live happily ever after.

[/Lika/]

The secret story of Peter Pan

My name is Wendy. I love telling people fairy tales. My parents always told me that I was very imaginative, but I never thought how real it could be ! Now listen carefully because here is my story : « The Secret Story of Peter Pan . »
Once upon a time there was a young girl named Wendy who was the only child in her family. She had to play alone so she started to invent imaginary people. When she became a teenager, she often went to the library to tell magic stories to the children. She had a huge success. She had created the character of a young, funny, cute, curious and kind boy called Peter Pan. Everybody wanted to hear the story of the forever young boy, Tinker Bell, Captain Hook and the Lost Boys. Even while she was sleeping, she dreamt of him. One night, as she closed her eyes, she saw his shadow flying high. He came to her with the sweetest smile and told her he wanted to talk for a while. He said : « Hi, Wendy ! Peter Pan, that’s what you call me, won’t you come with me to Neverland ? »
« I don’t think I have my place there,” she answered.
« Of course you have ! The Lost Boys are waiting for you and your imagination, » said he.
Then she accepted to follow him, and after they had flown to Neverland, they lived happily ever after. »

[/N./]